


Sam Winchester- Winter Crush

by Skellyagogo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Female reader insert, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21927616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skellyagogo/pseuds/Skellyagogo
Summary: How long can he deny how he feels?  Fear does a number especially when you've gotten to the point you don't think you deserve love.
Kudos: 4





	Sam Winchester- Winter Crush

"And then she did this thing with her leg..." Dean was droning on and on about the girl from the night before, but I wasn't listening

Y/n had walked in the kitchen to grab some coffee and a bottle of water. She was still half asleep, shuffling her feet and bumped into the counter cursing under her breath. My full attention was now on her. I grinned into my coffee cup before taking a sip observing her movements, the impressive string of words both in English and Latin cursing the powers that be. Y/n wasn't a morning person, even worse than Dean. She liked her sleep, but put a book in her hands and she'd stay up all night long reading forgetting all about sleep. You'd have thought she'd have gotten her fill with reading with all the research we do but not her, she put me to shame.

She leaned against the countertop humming in a soft sleepy voice waiting for the new pot of coffee to brew as she shot Dean a death stare. He was notorious for taking the last cup, never bothered to clean out the grounds or set it up for the next brew. Her hair up in a messy ponytail, loose strands hanging here and there. The tell-tale sign she fell asleep with a book in her hands. I knew she'd pay for that later with a migraine, but damned if she didn't look stunning.

It never mattered to her how cold the bunker was, she was always barefoot. It reminded me of that crazy nature guy on that survival show she watches, Dual Survival. The guy gets dropped off with a partner in all types of locations, desert, rainforest, snowy mountains, and he does it all barefoot. It was an odd talent, to say the least, she'd been able to chase after a few monsters and demons that way without so much as a scratch on those bare soles.

Her eyes closed and her head tilted back as she leaned against the counter. I watched her chest as it rose and fell in deep breaths. Her own little form of meditation if you will. I could faintly hear Dean still rambling on about his conquest, but I didn't care. I wanted to know what was going on in her head with that look on her face. The tiny smile that curled on her lips, the way her eyes fluttered behind her lids. It was like she was deep in thought over something wonderful.

I noticed what she was going to do before she did it. That tiny smile turned into a smug little smirk and her back arched as she rolled her neck. Her arms lifted above her head stretching, a few subtle pops from her joints cracking. Her eyes fluttered open as she inhaled the aroma of the fresh coffee. Those gorgeous eyes darting quickly at Dean seeing he wasn't paying attention.

I had to stop myself from laughing knowing what was coming but I couldn't look away. She scrunched up her toes cracking their knuckles. The loud crunching and popping sound irritated the hell out of Dean. He stopped talking and his whole body shuddered at the noise.

"Must you do that?" Dean glared at her angrily, but I laughed. I found it adorable in a strange way.

"Yes, I must," she sighed sticking her tongue out at Dean and flipped him off as she poured her cup of coffee.

"It's gross and I'm eating, knock it off." He was thoroughly grossed out now, his neck and head twitched and jerked towards his shoulder when she did it again only this time with her hands.

"Sure thing Dean, I'll stop cracking my knuckles when you stop fucking every chick in sight. How's that sound?" Her overtired death glare was on point this morning.

Dean was flustered and all he could manage was, "yeah well... shut up."

"Intelligent as ever Dean, now if you'll excuse me." The bottle of water tucked under her arm, her coffee cup clutched protectively in her palms as she blew into it to cool it down.

"How was it?" I stammered out, trying not to sound like an idiot, I wasn't ready for her to leave the kitchen yet.

She was so irresistible, even like this. Half-awake, baggy flannel pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt I was pretty sure was mine. I had never really paid attention to how incredible her eyes were until a few months ago. It was like I woke up from a deep sleep finally seeing the real world around me and she was the first thing I saw. I'd be kidding myself if I didn't admit I'd fallen for her, but we were just friends. 

My track record in the love department had its fair share of red flags. Worst of all, I didn't think I was deserving enough of someone like her. Her heart was so big, she gave everything she had to those in need. There was never a time she didn't drop everything when a call for help came her way. I don't think there was a single person out there who didn't love her. She was sweet as honey on the good days and more dangerous than a raging inferno on the worst. Y/n would take out a monster without batting an eye and push herself in front of danger to save a life. 

She could rough it out in the worst conditions like when we were staying in abandoned houses hiding from Leviathans and never made so much as a peep about it. There was something about the way she could smell a liar from twenty feet away or just by the look in someone's eyes. Y/n could go from one of the guys in a run-down dive bar taking them for everything they had in a game of darts or a total knockout when we needed information on a case. She was too good for anyone, even me.

"Huh?" She quirked an eyebrow at me, even that was attractive and left me grinning.

"The book, what was it this time?" Dean shot me a look and smirked sipping his coffee. His eyes flipping back and forth between Y/n and I like a tennis match.

"Oh, sorry," she chuckled. Chuck damn it that laugh of hers hit me hard in the chest. "I'm not awake yet. I finally went back and finished the third book in the Fifth Wave series." She scrunched up her face in disgust.

"Mhm, that good, huh?" Damn it this woman was driving me insane.

"No, not at all. Why do authors insist on ruining everything in book three? Without fail book three in every series has the characters do the complete opposite of how the author introduced them. The authors think 'fuck it, I've already made a shit ton of money I'll just throw random shit together and hope for the best'. It's Divergent, Maze Runner, Hunger Games and countless others all over again." She slumped down in the seat next to me setting her cup and bottle on the table and leaned her head on my shoulder sighing in a pout. "Why Sammy? Why make you fall in love with the characters, make you care and then they rip them away from you."

Her hair smelled like sage and lavender, I knew I was smiling like a moron being so close to her by the look in Dean's eyes. She was so warm though, I just wanted to wrap myself around her and never let her go. I rested my arm around her trying to give her some comfort. I froze when she nuzzled her head into my neck and sighed. Her own arms sneaking around my chest, she got really cuddly when her favorite characters died tragically in her books. Even if she'd read the book a dozen times and knew it was going to happen, she'd still find me for a hug. Unlike Dean, I wouldn't laugh at her over it. I'd just hold her tight until the emotions over her fictional loves calmed.

"It'll be alright, you'll find another series to torment yourself with. You want to drive into town later and get lost in the book store?" She perked right up smiling inches from my face with a goofy grin.

"Oh Sammy, you know the way to a girl's heart," that sweet soft laugh of hers filled the kitchen. "Maybe after a nap, I can't believe I stayed up all night reading that... that abomination!" She gave me a quick kiss on my cheek and padded out of the kitchen, my eyes followed her every step. I was still staring at the kitchen door when Dean started laughing.

"You're so stupid," he snorted with a wide grin.

"What?" I couldn't play dumb just like I couldn't hide the tint of red blazen on my cheeks.

"You like her!" He snickered in amusement. "Oh this is too good, I can't believe I didn't notice it before."

"You don't know what you're talking about," I glared unamused by his smirk.

"Oh but I do Sammy, I do." His palm slapped the table as he laughed. "You tell her... or I will."

*********

I knocked on her door in a haze, my mind wouldn't stop running wild. I can do this, I could muscle up the courage and just tell her. After she left the kitchen this morning, Dean had threatened to tell her himself because he didn't think I had the balls to. I had to do this, but why was I struggling so much? It wasn't this hard with Jess, this just seemed impossible. What if she said no and things got too weird and she left? What if she laughed in my face? My mind was still racing when her door opened, and I was obliviously staring into space.

"You alright Sammy?" Y/n flashed a tight-lipped grin laughing. She quirked an eye when she noticed me staring at her. What was I supposed to do, she was in nothing but a towel?

"Uh, yeah... just seeing if you were ready to go." Her laughter filled the hall as she turned around and back in her room grabbing a pile of clothes heading towards her bathroom.

"Almost Sammy my boy, sit, relax. You look tense, you sure you're alright?" I wasn't sure what was more prominent in her voice, concern or enjoyment.

"Yeah, I'm good." I flopped myself on her bed.

I'd never spent a lot of time in her room before. There were books scattered all over the place, piles of clothes here and there, guns and knives lining her wall like Dean's room. The iPod on her dresser started playing a new song, it was an oldie, In the Mood by Glenn Miller. I could hear her foot tapping out the rhythm as she hummed away.

*********

The book shop crammed full of people, last-minute holiday shoppers I guess. The instant we stepped foot inside I kept losing her in the throng of people. Her solution was a simple one but effective, she hooked her arm around mine. I suppose my height may have intimidated people because they seem glad to get out her way with me in tow. We made our way to the back where all the older, leatherbound, beat-up resold books were. You'd be amazed how often you found a perfectly good first edition book if you considered a few scratches on the leather alright. There was hardly anyone back here, people were vying for the brand new top seller list books, so she let me go and wandered through the aisles.

We could spend all day here, hell there was a couple of times we did. The shop owner didn't mind, we usually spent a good deal of money on those trips. I found a book about the Knights Templar and made myself comfortable in one of the only armchairs in the back. Skimming over the pages trying to read but I found myself checking on Y/n every few minutes. She already had a small pile under her arm. Her slender fingers trailed over the spine's reading the faded titles.

Each time she found something, she'd bite her lip and grin in triumph. The outside condition of the book never matter, but she'd flip through making sure all the insides were intact. I don't think I could tire seeing that giddy little smile she'd flash or the way her nose scrunched when the book she pulled off the shelf was covered in dust. Being with her like this, it was easy to lose track of time. The shop owner had already locked up and wandered back towards us trying to hide her delight in seeing us again.

"I swear you two are in here so often I might as well ask if you want a job," she chuckled. "Tonight's different I'm afraid I've got dinner plans so you've got five more minutes then I've gotta kick you out."

"It's that time already," Y/n poked her head out from the last aisle with a pout. "I'm sorry Maybel, it's just too easy to get lost in here." She walked out carrying a stack in front of her that covered her face up to her nose.

"Y/n!" I scoffed jumping up from the chair to take more than half of the books away from her and carried them to the front register. She was too stubborn about help, you had to take the initiative. "You think you got enough?" Y/n was already at my side ready to argue with a smile.

"Never, there isn't such a thing as too many books and you should know this. I can live a million lives within the pages of a book. A million things I could only be in their tattered pages because," she sighed and looked at the counter a little sad. All that cheeriness was sucked right out of her face.

"Because what sweetheart?" Maybel questioned bagging up her books.

"Because real life sucks sometimes.. What you want never seems to want you back," Y/n mumbled pulling out her wallet waiting for the total.

"Oh honey, how can life suck when you spend all your time with tall, dark and handsome here?" The shop owner retorted trying to make Y/n smile but Y/n only faked it and I had to admit it hurt. Was spending time with me that bad that she had to fake a smile? "Alright sweety, you gotta hefty bill tonight. $324 dollars." Y/n was counting out cash while I slipped Maybel a credit card.

"Sam! Don't do that, I have the cash." She tried protesting, even tried giving me the puppy dog eyes but I just shook my head and smiled.

"Consider it your Christmas present." She didn't say anymore and took half of the bags. "Let's go put these in the car and take a walk, maybe get some coffee down at the diner."

She was quiet all the way down the street as we walked, her forehead scrunched deep in thought. She didn't stop when we hit the diner, just kept walking towards the tiny park in the middle of town. I could see her eyes flickering around in front of her, she kept walking until she found a bench and sat down.

"Y/n what's up?" I asked gently sitting beside her, the whole distant thing was something I wasn't used to from her.

"I feel guilty now," she mumbled stuffing her hands into her coat pockets. Somehow she seemed smaller like she was tried to hide in her jacket.

"Why, because I paid for your books? Y/n, you do so much for so many people especially Dean and I, it's the least I could do." She was on the verge of tears I could see them welling up in her eyes.

"It's not the books, okay maybe a little. I-I... we've been so busy lately... I completely forgot, I mean it's not like we ever celebrate it anyway but still." Her eyes were so focused on the snow-covered path in front of her, but she rambled never the less, her hands fidgeting in her pockets.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I swear, it's not a big deal. We celebrated it that one year Dean was going to hell remember and it was super weird. After that, well with hunts and everything, it's not a big deal, I promise. I just wanted to do something nice because... because you deserve it Y/n."

I felt terrible, I never thought she'd get upset like this. I had this stupid thought in my head that I'd casually ask her out over some coffee in the diner, but not now. I could see her eyes shifting my way out of the corner of her eye, a little dejected frown on her lips. Way to go, Sam, you fucked it up anyway.

"It's Christmas Eve isn't it?" Her voice was meek and soft in that little whisper.

"Yeah, look Y/n..." She leaned her head on my shoulder catching me off guard.

"Thank you, Sammy," she shivered out a sigh.

"Come on, let's get you outta the cold."

**********

I woke to Dean pounding on my door. I poked an eye open and stared at the clock, 6 am. What the hell was he doing up this early and sounding happy about it too?

"I don't know how you did it, but seriously dude?! I think you may have gone overboard." Dean seemed pretty excited, almost child-like. "Let's go up and at 'em Sammy!"

It wasn't until I pulled on a sweatshirt and headed out into the hallway did I understand what he meant. There was lighted garland strung up on either side of the hallway leading towards the library. I could hear the fire crackling in the fireplace. There was a mixture of sweet and savory food smells wafting heavily in the air mixed with the strong hint of pine. I walked into the library to see a giant pine tree covered in lights, empty shotgun shells in varying colors, and beer bottle cap garland draped from top to bottom. There was even a makeshift star at the top of the tree made out of an old flannel shirt. There wasn't much for presents underneath, but it didn't matter, the whole scene was amazing.

One of the tables in the library was covered in a breakfast feast I'd only ever seen on tv. A massive platter of bacon, and sausages. Eggs in every way from scrambled to poached, over-easy and fried. Toast, bagels, English muffins, hell there were even muffins, chocolate, and blueberry. A tray of cinnamon rolls, hashbrowns, breakfast burritos, and even a quiche. Orange juice and coffee, a pot of tea and a big bowl of fresh fruit salad. Dean eyed everything hungrily pacing around the table like a starving wolf. Jack and Cas walked into the library looking as stunned as I was.

"What's all this?" Jack eyed everything in wonder smiling. Though Cas had a look that said he knew.

"I-I... I'm not sure. Dean thought I did it, but it wasn't me." I was just as confused as the rest of them. My answer came with Y/n walking in with a mountain of pancakes on a tray.

"Morning," she grinned so unlike the way she was last night.

"Y/n this is incredible!" I didn't think it was possible for Jack to have smiled any larger, but he did.

Breakfast was eaten and long gone. Dean and Jack scrambled under the tree searching for their gifts. There was a tornado of wrapping paper and shouts of excitement. There was only a single envelope left under the tree with my name in big bold letters.

I opened the envelope and pulled out the card, it was a generic Christmas card with two Reindeer on the front kissing while exchanging gifts, but it was her hand-writing on the inside that threw me for a loop and the photo that fell out of the card.

"I bury myself in books because it's easier to fall in love with a fictional character than it is to deal with the real ones who would only break my heart. Real heartache hurts a million times more than losing another fictional love. That is until I realized the pain of never admitting my love for someone real hurt worst of all." Yours, Y/n

I could see it from where the photo landed on the floor it was of Y/n, a giant smile on her face sitting on the trunk of the Impala. It was from this summer, she was still in her snazzy FBI clothing. An outfit 'befitting a field agent' she had grinned the first time I saw it. A dark grey skirt that hit her knees and a light purple silk button-up blouse. Her hair was up in a bun, glasses on her face because she'd forgotten her contacts and a book in her hands. She hadn't bothered to change after that hunt, just wanted to get the hell out dodge and home, but it didn't matter because the Impala broke down.

The memory was coming back to me. Dean under the hood cussing up a storm and pleading with Baby to behave. It was too hot to sit in the car so she'd gotten out and sat on the trunk to annoy Dean. He kept mumbling about scratches from her anklet and making her buff them out. Her nose was stuck in a book, I don't remember what one, but it held her full attention. Didn't even flinch when the cold wetness of the beer I nudged against her shoulder soaked a small spot on her shirt. She held her book in one hand and cracked open the beer with the other. I smiled leaning over to pick up the picture, but I was confused.

"You don't get it, do you?" She looked at me and blushed with a small smile.

"It's a great picture of you, thank you." I didn't understand though, I had lots of pictures of her taken over the years. I watched as she crossed the room and stood before me with a bashful grin. She was smiling at me the same way she did when she found a book she loved.

"That's the day I realized I no longer wanted to fall in love with fictional characters. That's the day I fell in love with you."

"Merry Christmas to me then huh?" I chuckled seeing the blush creep farther over her neck and face.


End file.
